Before I had a baby, I would roll my eyes at coworkers and friends blaming their forgetfulness and general stupidity on “baby brain.” If there is ever a time for excuses, pregnancy is certainly it. But after the baby is born and the first few months pass, I thought it was time to retire the new mother card.

The baby is born and your maternity leave is over… Pull your s**t together, I thought to myself…

To all of you other skeptics out there, I am living and breathing proof that baby brain does in fact exist. Since having Baby J, I am not only dumber, but clumsier and more forgetful, too. I literally cannot remember anything.

It has become a running joke in my fourth grade class.

Last week I informed my students that I would be creating their homework for the week instead of pulling it from resources we already have.

Their response?

“So we should expect mistakes, right?”

My response?

“Probably.”

I truly hope that my students don’t go home and tell their parents what a complete airhead they have for a teacher. Prior to every lesson I walk around in circles searching desperately for my book, papers, and/or handouts that I have somehow misplaced in the span of sixty seconds or less.

I often stand in front of the class waving papers in the air for everyone to see.

“Boys and girls? See these science notes that I am holding in my hand? I am putting them in my file cabinet. Does everyone see where I am putting them? Say it with me now. The science notes are in the file cabinet.”

My students are kind enough to leave Post-it notes all over the classroom for me.

Email my mom about homework.

Print an extra field trip permission slip.

Today is Tuesday.

And the dumb factor is way worse than the forgetfulness factor.

I make a ton of academic errors in class now, especially when it comes to math. I happen to teach the accelerated math class (how that happened I will never know), and the students are more than happy to point out my mistakes.

“Yes, I know that the answer is 24 and not 32, Caroline. I was just testing y’all to make sure that everyone is paying attention.”

My darling little students love to count how many “epic fails” (their term, not mine) I make in one day.

“How many epic fails do you think you will have today, Mrs. A?” they taunt. 

They also like to encourage me with treats. For example, if I have a day free of “epic fails,” they may bring me a bag of Goldfish crackers the next day as a reward.

This is what my professional career has been reduced to since having a baby.

And it’s no better at home.

I put clothes in the dryer and walk away without ever hitting the start button.

I dial a phone number and panic when the phone starts ringing, as I have no clue who I am actually calling.

I pull up to the grocery store on Sunday afternoon and wonder, “Have I brushed my teeth today?” For the life of me I can’t remember.

I leave for work with two different shoes on.

The list goes on and on.

Thank God it is Spring Break and I have some time to recharge. Maybe a little time off is just what the doctor ordered, because you know, the sixteen weeks I’ve already had off this year (maternity leave, holidays, & ice days) have clearly not been enough.

On another note, J’s six month pictures are finally here.

I meant to post them last week, but I totally forgot.